I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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