True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
