Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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