he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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