3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
