"it" just moved
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
