Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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