genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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