Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
