finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
