i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize