Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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