WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Terrible idea I love it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
