I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
