How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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