Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
