Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
