she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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