So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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