I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
