I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
