my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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