why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
vagina is talking i cant
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
