I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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