I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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