Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
