I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize