my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
