My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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