My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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