My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
