He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
