i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
