I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
