Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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