Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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