i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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