Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
