as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
