Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
