Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
