Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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