Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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