i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
