Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
