I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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