I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
