1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something