just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
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I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby