Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go