Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.