apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos