in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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