She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
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i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.