i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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