Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
