3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
