if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
