i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
