Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
