I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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