That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
