yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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