No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
