Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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