dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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