I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
