Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
