I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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