I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
