How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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