I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
