Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
