sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
