He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
