i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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