MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
