Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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