apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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