I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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