how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
