ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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