Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
