nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
