i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
