I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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