Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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