Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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