I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
