Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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