I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
