I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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