Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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