his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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