dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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